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I

Catholic school can really fuck you up.
Petty insults; 
 “you have ugly hair”
  “got milk?”
Breasts at the age of nine.

Bullying makes you someone you don’t want to become;
hide all that blackness in your heart
with overly cheerful hyperactive personalities
 (that make others think you’re a little strange),
quickly forgotten.

Friends can’t tell when you just want to
scream
 and cry
  and be alone
because of how deep you’ve dug yourself in.

Afraid of yourself, you think and think, and THINK,
until you are terrified you’re going to give in
to those dark thoughts -
  (and if you do, then you’re just numb afterwards. 
Staring at hands blankly).

II

Faith in everything, the world, God, 
 people around you,
  yourself;
all you can see is horror.
You hide it, fake it, pretend to be okay.

Why would anyone care to listen?
Just one person of billions
with worse problems than you thinking you’re
 fat
 ugly
 useless
 desperate----

Days where you want to die
because of the slow span of ten years
building up into one sickening supernova
 of self-loathing.
  Of depression.

Cry for no reason,
break down,
all that torture has whittled you down.
No matter how hard you resist -
      “Why me?”

III

All you want is love,
 strength,
  someone to be there on really bad days.
You want to drive a knife through the priest’s heart
for all the bullshit hope he preaches -

you just want to quit
  (you can’t,
  because maybe
   just maybe
   there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

and that light will be brighter
the harder you try.)
You’ll finally soar out of that hole
and make it -
  to a life you always wanted. 


You will.


I wasn't going to upload this but today was kind of a bad day at work and when I read this I got happier somewhat.

`KathrynODriscoll gave me the topic of being bullied a couple of days ago to see if I could write a bunch to get out of my writer's block. She turned my paragraphs into a poem so all credit for the arrangement of words go to her lovely soul. :heart:

This is all true.

For everyone out there who has felt this way...

I know. It hurts. A lot.

But you'll make it. You will.

I'm still struggling but I've yet to give up completely.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsomeonesecho:
someonesecho Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014
i don't know if you remembered, but i mentioned once that your work is beautiful, and i don't use that word lightly

and for some reason i keep thinking of that word while and after reading all your works so far.
Reply
:iconamatelaseu:
Amatelaseu Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Absolutely beautiful.
I agree with you on every single aspect.

Thank you.
Reply
:iconwolfiethefox:
WolfieTheFox Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Absolutely stunning how this is written Heart  so very personal and so very accurate, I was nearly in tears when I read it 
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. Just--thank you. 

I go to a Catholic school myself, and the road wasn't easy-but now I was able to cope and somehow I've been a lot happier going to school, and I really don't know why.

Thank you. :huggle:
Reply
:iconselena112:
Selena112 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is the first time in ten years I've been happy to go to school.
This is the first time in ten years I've been able to sit in a class or walk down a hallway, not afraid that someone's going to throw something at me, whether it's words or something a little less abstract.
This is the first time in ten years that I've been able to look at myself, and see more than dead eyes and an angry, miserable frown.
This is the first time in my life that I've been able to go from saying, "I will," to "I can."

Thank you for writing this. It's beautiful and really speaks to me. You are a very gifted writer.
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013   Writer
Congratulations on you DLD! :clap:
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013   Writer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is beautiful <3 congratulations on the dld
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you Maddie <3
Reply
:iconundomiel321:
Undomiel321 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I went to a Private Christian school up through jr high, and a lot of the same shit happens there. I feel your pain. Very well written, btw. I love the honesty. Congrats on the DLD!
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
People don't seem to get that just because it's private and religious that bullying doesn't happen.
Reply
:iconundomiel321:
Undomiel321 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly. It happens. People are people. And some people are assholes, no matter where they come from. 
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013   Writer

I went to a Catholic school myself, but the last time I was in that church was to graduate high school.

Then I left for college and found a whole new world.

Bullies are usually folks who have a great deal of fear themselves, so much they take it out on others.

But that's no excuse.

It may be reality, but it's no excuse.

Bullying never has an excuse. Please remember, like in the movie Almost Famous -> "One day, you'll be cool."

 

By the way, congratulations on the DLD! Your good writing made me almost forget that part.

Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. That means very much to me; you have no idea.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013   Writer

You're welcome.

I was just telling it like I see it.

I'm glad it means a lot to you. I hoped it would. :heart:

Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is just so powerful and raw. And I love how positive it is at the end. Bullying really can tear you down (been through it, but I imagine almost everyone has), but there indeed is a life after you get through it.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3 I really am pleased with this one.
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]. Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.


Keep writing and keep creating.

Reply
:icontophgirl96:
tophgirl96 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013
To all who read this never forget how beautiful you are or let anyone tell you otherwise ;)
Reply
:iconpaulypants:
paulypants Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
This piece would be perfect for a project we are developing -- an online gallery for artists who have been bullied or who explore the theme of bullying in their work. It's called the You Will Rise Project. Check it out here: youwillriseproject.com and read the "Submit Work" section for details about sharing your work on our site. Thanks!
Reply
:iconchewyraezen:
chewyraezen Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful.
Reply
:iconkrisy12:
krisy12 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
Holy crap i'm in tears, basically every thing from the second paragraph down described my life. This is really good :sad: 
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :heart:
Reply
:icon14pip14:
14pip14 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
not many people who know me think im harmless, they think ill kill them or hurt them, maybe i will. all i know is that i make threats because they wont SHUT UP. they babble on about trivial stuff while im there thinking my best friend will kill herself. so yhank you for writing this. i love it.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry.

:hug:
Reply
:icon14pip14:
14pip14 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
its ok
thanks for the hug. :33
Reply
:iconaj-dion:
AJ-Dion Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
WOW!  This is really good and I can think of so many people this applies too.  Very good writing and stay strong.  Heart
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconspottedmask77:
Spottedmask77 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you. Truly.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013
It's great. No matter how bad things are, we always have a bit of hope left. And I know how it's like, being the bullied kid :(
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm sorry you know the feel though :(
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013
It destroyed bits of me and made other bits stronger. It happens and we have to live with it, right?
Reply
:icon0-emoleopard-0:
0-EmoLeopard-0 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing: it's raw; it's powerful: it's full of emotion, and it speaks of experience and also of hope. Good job, hon.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm in a glass cage full of emotion.
Reply
:icon0-emoleopard-0:
0-EmoLeopard-0 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
is that a reference or
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

poet alert even when she comments poet alert alert alert be doo be doo be doo 
Reply
:icondawntheracoon:
DawnTheRacoon Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is beautiful.... ;-;
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconjabberbug:
JabberBug Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

This is true for public schools too, sometimes :(

Beautiful poetry...

Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know...
Reply
:iconthecriticofinnocence:
TheCriticofInnocence Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh, and one more thing( sorry for the double post)...

Can I submit this into the gallery of a group I'm in? This would really help the people over there.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Of course! I'd be honored to <3
Reply
:iconthecriticofinnocence:
TheCriticofInnocence Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconthecriticofinnocence:
TheCriticofInnocence Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Well written indeed, by both of you.

The parentheses are well-placed, even more so due to the arrangement.
So are the tab and spaces( like the one in  the " that make others..." line).

Frankly... I'm kinda jealous of your skill(in a good way). Perfect, indeed.

And, if you need a hand, just send me a message, ok?
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconthecriticofinnocence:
TheCriticofInnocence Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Student General Artist
You're very welcome :D
Reply
:icontirasunil:
tirasunil Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student Writer
Faith is a tough one...I'm a Christian and find myself depressed a lot, putting on that fake smile for church. Deep down, do I know where my hope lies? Yeah, but does that change how I feel? Not really, not at all. Keep writing, this was excellent.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's exactly how I feel.
Reply
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