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Once upon a time, there lived a girl named (name). (Name) was the most beautiful girl in the world, with gorgeous (e/c) eyes that sparkled like falling stars, and (h/c) so luxurious and soft that every unicorn in the universe went mad with jealousy.

Of course, being so angelic, (name) had quite the menagerie of admirers and suitors. Admirers and suitors from every corner of the planet, actually. Because they were secretly countries. And they were beautiful too. They were the sexiest men to have ever lived. Because they were countries.

Now, (name) was very modest. She did not like to admit she was magnificent in the looks department. So, in order to avoid unwanted clashes with the opposite sex (or same sex—(name) was just that stunning), she locked herself up in a heavily guarded castle. Whoever could get to her, (name) stated, would be her rightful husband. Or wife. She didn't exactly think this through.

All the people of the world tried their damndest to get to (name). They fought past the fire-breathing dragons, the soul-sucking demons, and the most dreaded enemy of all—the marshmallow. It was a venomous marshmallow.

(Name) watched their daily struggles with a frown that marred her sublime face. She watched with those pulchritudinous (e/c) eyes of hers that seemed to see straight into your soul, deeply saddened by the useless endeavours of her hopeful suitors. One-by-one, each man (or woman) managed to make it past the fierce dragon and distburbing demons, only to be deliquesced by the sulfuric acid of the marshmallow. The marshmallow's name was Rufus.

At last, the countries of the world gathered round (name)'s daunting castle, each of their minds harrowed on the task at hand.

America, being the hero, went first.

His buttocks was immediately set afire by the dragon.

England, being the gentleman, was second.

He got distracted by the delectable selection of tea.

France, proclaimed lover of the world, went third.

The elegant apparel of (name)'s wardrobe was his downfall.

Russia, thinking he was the strongest, was fourth.

He decided the demons were much better company and went to watch The Nutcracker with them.

China, being the oldest, went fifth.

Turns out, the dragon was his boss, and they went to go buy as much Hello Kitty apparel as they could.

Japan, of course, was a socially awkward nation, so he was sixth.

Instead, he went home to watch anime.

Germany, who was deeply angered by being so low in the list, went seventh.

He entertained himself by screaming at the demons to do more exercise.

Italy was a coward, making him be the eighth.

He ran away as soon as he caught sight of Rufus the Venomous Marshmallow, brandishing a white flag and pasta.

Prussia, though a dissolved nation, was the most awesome one of them all; he went ninth.

And got his albino ass kicked by Hungary, who wanted to dress (name) up in cute outfits, so by default was tenth. But she and Austria found a piano halfway to (name)'s room, so they decided it was time for a karaoke session. Spain, Romano, and Romania joined in, only because somewhere along the way the three of them had managed to get heavily intoxicated, making them extremely susceptible to music of any kind. Finland and Sweden decided Santa was in more of a dire need than (name), so they went off to the North Pole for cookies and milk. Norway and his trolls wanted to watch The Hobbit instead. Iceland and Mr. Puffin showed the demons how to rap, and Denmark was too busy thinking a tree was a girl from all the alcohol he had ingested to even make it to the castle. Greece had fallen asleep, and Turkey had taken the chance to cover him in glue and feathers just for laughs. Belarus had chased after her brother, and Ukraine's breasts had pained her back so much that she had decided to give up on her conquest.

Now, (name) was even more discouraged than before.

"Oh, curse this beauty that graces my face!" she proclaimed in a tone full of melancholy as she sobbed tears of diamonds. "What good is it, if it just makes everyone want to marry me? I want to be ugly! I'll just go make Rufus use his venom to disfigure my divine visage, and then become a hermit woman who lives on a remote glaciar in Antarctica!"

However, as soon as she had uttered these words in a voice as melodious as an angel's, the door to her room was suddenly broken down with a cacophonous sound, and Rufus the Venomous Marshmallow came waddling in.

With Canada riding on his back. Who held a hockey stick in one hand and maple syrup in the other.

"Get the fuck on the marshmallow, bitch, and let's fuck like moose in heat! And it's moose, by the way, even when plural—not meese, not mooses, moose. EH."

(Name) instantly fell in love with Canada, and the two rode off into the sunset on Rufus the Venomous Marshmallow. Who magically sprouted wings of gold that blinded every person who looked up into the sky, thus making the prices in glasses skyrocket.

(Name) and Canada were married at a Cracker Barrel with Neil Patrick Harris as Justice of Peace, and roasted beaver was served at the reception.

And then they had sex every night. So much, in fact, that they put the entire species of rabbits to shame.

LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME.
:icontrollfaceplz:

I WROTE THIS ON MY IPOD AT TWO IN THE MORNING IN HONOR OF SURVIVING THE APOCALYPSE

I REGRET NOTHING

And not a single fuck was given in this story.

Who knew marshmallows could be such cockblocks?

Fuck yeah Canada.

Don't worry, not going to put this in any groups. I'm not that desperate. I just thought it'd be funny to share this with you all. PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbandanasquad2nd:
Bandanasquad2nd Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student Artist
Canada FTW
Reply
:icongalaxysnowleopard:
galaxysnowleopard Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
This was so beautiful! X333
Reply
:iconmaricurie90:
maricurie90 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2015  Student Writer
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSASDFGHJKL
Reply
:iconinsert2username2here:
I knew there was something suspicious when canada wasnt mentioned the first time around
Reply
:iconletmejustreadplease:
letmejustreadplease Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2015  New Deviant
I cant stop laughing
Reply
:iconjuiletreedy355:
juiletreedy355 Featured By Owner May 30, 2015  Hobbyist
So beautiful am gonna cry this is the definition of beauty 
Reply
:iconheadlightslane:
HeadlightsLane Featured By Owner May 2, 2015
what . . . wait WHAT!?
Reply
:iconpuppypaws12121:
puppypaws12121 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015  Student Writer
Im stunned
Reply
:iconbluekitten06:
BlueKitten06 Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2015
It's so beautiful -sobs-
My oc: -laughing his ass off at the crack-
Reply
:iconavatarlover2:
avatarlover2 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2015
I-I just have no words on how beautiful this is....and im Canadian so I find this more funny than any aot episode...I laugh at aot
Reply
:iconhanatagami:
Hanatagami Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015
It's so buutiful. I my computer can only last 15 minutes in the presence of this story.
Reply
:iconcaptain-norrington:
Captain-Norrington Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015  Hobbyist
So beautiful.
Reply
:iconrogue-okami:
rogue-okami Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
IM DYING HALPP
Reply
:iconteamedward4ever1326:
teamedward4ever1326 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015
So yeah...:iconlaughingplz: I love the things that happened that made people stop, it was the best! And, of course, Mattie got through: He's invisible!
Reply
:iconhetalianforlife123:
Hetalianforlife123 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
OH MY FUCK I AM CRYING ;7;
Reply
:iconmelixpies:
melixpies Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
That pewdiepie reference in the end tho XD
Reply
:icontechnolgiccheeto:
TechnolgicCheeto Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Can I have some crack too?
Reply
:iconalxe54326:
Alxe54326 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
WHAT THE FRUK WAS CANADA HIGH OFF OF?!
Reply
:iconjuliafox22:
Juliafox22 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
clap.......clap.........clap.....CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconlunarosethenekotard:
LunaRosetheNekoTard Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That was cracktastic.

Lemme have some of that shiz you were on. I need it to write crack XR
Reply
:icondownshiftplus:
DownShiftPlus Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Canada..
DUDE WERE YOU DRUNK OR ON FLOUR OR SOMETHING?!?
Reply
:icondeath242803:
death242803 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014
What the HE'LL we're you on when you wrote dis?? xD I want some cause dis crap is as random as the Slenderp appearing while screaming 'i am awesome' like Prussia and bitch-slapping Russia, then teleporting away while screaming like a girl with a chibi-Romano stuck to his non-existent face! (This is actually what I day-dream about.. weird huh?)
Reply
:icons1mr4n:
s1mr4n Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014
AMAZING! though i did not get the whole entire thing.......I STILL GOT CANADA!
Reply
:iconlailabuscus:
LailaBuscus Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THIS IS AMAZING.
Reply
:iconelyanaxlevilove:
elyanaxlevilove Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Student Digital Artist
DAFU did I jsut read???
Reply
:iconask-mmd-arianos:
Ask-MMD-Arianos Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
...
Reply
:iconbraziltheawesome:
BrazilTheAwesome Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Canada Is now a grammar Nazi. .3.
And that Pewds reference. xD
Reply
:iconmaria-the-fox:
Maria-the-Fox Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love it!
Reply
:iconluckystar66:
luckystar66 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
WTFFFF.......
I CANT STOP LAUGHING!!! X3
Reply
:iconshadowgamer1315:
ShadowGamer1315 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Lol so much trolling! XD
 Fuq yesh Canada foreva!
Reply
:iconshadowdeathmist:
shadowdeathmist Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Student General Artist
Best story ever!!!
Reply
:iconbadassgermanchick:
badassgermanchick Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
O.O this was a fab. crackfic . at least I think it is .
Reply
:iconrasberryicedtea:
RasberryIcedTea Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Student General Artist
Whatever you were high on while writing this, I want some of it.:drugs: :Psychedelic: 
Reply
:iconchrysnk:
ChrysNK Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I DIDN'T KNOW THE PLURAL OF MOOSE IS MOOSE XD LOOOOL
Reply
:iconcreepypastafanbailey:
CreepyPastaFanBailey Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2014  Student Writer
Oh dear....
       *dies from laughing to hard*
 :dead: rvmp 
Reply
:iconemilies13th:
emilies13th Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Student General Artist
omg...0o0
Reply
:iconcompycat:
CompyCat Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014
It is soooo beautiful! I loved it soooo much!!! THIS MUCH TO BE IN FACT. *Hold out arms*
Reply
:iconsofia24:
Sofia24 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Student General Artist
LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME


What sucks is I did cry from laughing for the love of all that is maple this just made my day Thanks for writing dis
Reply
:iconstormclawandtiger:
StormClawAndTiger Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014
How high were you?
Reply
:iconpikachu5091:
Pikachu5091 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014
"-she sobbed tears of diamonds."

OH MY >U<
Reply
:iconkittykirkland:
KittyKirkland Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
WOW! Really?! You would think Germany or the Nordics would get through. Not little cute baby Canada! XD *le gasp* great story tho.
Reply
:iconhaileyhellfire:
HaileyHellfire Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Student Writer
Omg I cried :'D dis is Oml I can't even describe how amazing dis was xD RUFUS THE MARSHMALLOW IS DA BEST! Lmao Canada was pretty sexy too xD
Reply
:icontotallyunfamousmira:
totallyunfamousmira Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Can I just say that I absolutely died during Canada's first line?


:iconsexycanadaplz:
Reply
:iconxxemohetaliafangirlx:
XXEMOhetaliafangirlX Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Student Filmographer
Omg , I nearly died at the ending , BUT good job Mattie Hatsune Miku-13 (Wink and Heart) 
Reply
:iconoliverssmexycupcake:
Oliverssmexycupcake Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Da hell were you high when you rote this? Lol XD
Reply
:iconbuter9:
buter9 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
waaah? /◉ ᴗ ◉\
Reply
:iconzpupg1rl19:
ZPupG1rl19 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Student General Artist
What the even huh ??? :iconcannotevenplz: :iconhandspazzplz: :iconicantplz: :iconwatplz:

I love this, but I'm so confused and happy and aws4e5dr6ft7ygv8b9pun89u :iconbrainbrokeplz:
Reply
:iconlalalanhetalia321:
Lalalanhetalia321 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013
XD I just died laughing. Is this even a lemon. It should b like a Crack.
And..... Rufus is awsomer than Prussia
Reply
:iconifyousayyouloveme:
IfYouSayYouLoveMe Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU :iconcannotevenplz::iconthefeelsplz:
Reply
:iconlilymath:
lilymath Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013
O.M.Glob :D
Reply
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Submitted on
December 22, 2012
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