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only the most
beautiful of creatures
live the shortest.

red roses and quivering
butterflies and other
useless things, like the
way she wishes on every star
she sees for a different
soul because she can't stand
the way it's rotting inside.

and it's only when
the thorns beneath her skin
start to bleed that her
monsters whisper, "have
you ever trembled, my dear?"

because they know
for every whimper that hides
faintly in the dark,
there is a pair of lips stretched
into a smile pretending
that all that is beautiful
is timeless and unbroken.
Hey guys, I'm not dead. I just can't write anymore. Here's a thing I've been trying to write for a week now. It's bad. I know. I just need to write something and post it. I'm sorry.

Sometimes life really isn't fair and wishes won't ever come true.


Add a Comment:
 
:iconmoonstripe2:
Moonstripe2 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's not bad,it's really good.In a way it speaks the truth.And the truth  can sometimes always the hardest thing to write/come about.
Reply
:icondogviolet:
Dogviolet Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014
This is absolutely amazing! It is beautifully written, very poignant and emotive; but it never becomes silly or soppy. Beautiful. :)
Reply
:iconjjungg:
jjungg Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
What are you saying, dear? This is amazing~
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014   General Artist
what are you talking about, brigdet darling? this is such a poignant piece! :heart:
Reply
:icondarklover33:
DarkLover33 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014   Writer
Awww! why do you think its bad? I think this is really really beautiful! You have such a lovely way of writing, please dont stop
Reply
:iconxxxxbrokenxangelxxxx:
xxXxBrokenxAngelxXxx Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
It isnt bad. Its very beautifully written. Stay strong dear. And keep writing.
Reply
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is stunning. The third strophe really took my breath away. Beautiful job. :clap:
Reply
:iconroshiray:
Roshiray Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
the melancholic feeling makes my throat close up..i really love this ..Heart +fav 
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Nooooo you have to breathe with that
Reply
:iconroshiray:
Roshiray Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014
grinning,i'm still alive :D i loved the poem..
Reply
:iconderiveanemone:
DeriveAnemone Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think its bad at all. Hug I think the emotion you've expressed in this is very powerful and I love the first stanza.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconfeathereyed:
FeatherEyed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Your in depth writing and imagery is so beautiful.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconfeathereyed:
FeatherEyed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Wow your in depth writing and imagery is very beautiful.
Reply
:iconakaichounokoe:
AkaiChounokoe Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Actually, I thought it was pretty
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconakaichounokoe:
AkaiChounokoe Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome
Reply
:iconakaichounokoe:
AkaiChounokoe Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome
Reply
:iconmistecolly:
Mistecolly Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014   Artist
It's really nice, I kinda felt something
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks <3
Reply
:iconavenatrix:
Avenatrix Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
My goodness! If I could write half as good as you and put as much emotion into my poems as you do, I'd be ecstatic. 
I love it! With its darkness that seems to bleed feeling and speak the hidden truth. 
Just. . . wow. . .
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Nuuuuh you don't want to write like me, trust me, writing and I have such a love-hate relationship.
Reply
:icondizzymac:
DizzyMac Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
If this is your idea of "bad" then you are in desperate need of some compliments. This poem is stunning my dear. Your imagery is beautiful and I love the selective commers and pauses you have used. Plus, the ending message is one that sticks with the reader -at least, I know that it is going to stick with me. :)  Please keep writing, if you can. You have a very talented way with words.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm just very negative about my own writing :| thank you so much, though! :heart:
Reply
:icondizzymac:
DizzyMac Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
You're welcome :) Keep smiling -your writing is better than you think.
Reply
:iconjarkui:
jarkui Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
It's very well written. You have a great sense of imagery. :) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconwolfchild1214:
wolfchild1214 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Student
Beautiful
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconwolfchild1214:
wolfchild1214 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Student
Ur welcome :)
Reply
:icontarzok:
Tarzok Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
:clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconunluckynumberxiii:
UnluckyNumberXIII Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is better than nothing at all. You've inspired so many poems from me that it's ridiculous. 

Here's the thing 
About wishing 
On stars

You're already bright
A Goddess burning 
In my sight 

A little lost
A bit wayward
True

But isn't everything 
A test 
Of strength and fortitude? 

You, dear lady
Are both
The wisher 
And the star 
That made it through
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
nooooooo

I'm not inspiring at all darnit
Reply
:iconunluckynumberxiii:
UnluckyNumberXIII Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeeeessss. 

You are, you are~
Reply
:iconselimeia:
Selimeia Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're half right and half wrong. It's not really bad, but it's not really good either. Here are a few things I noticed when reading, this might help you along to make it better.

First stanza is great. Strong introduction and really gripping, you create an immediate atmosphere. Nice breaks, they give it extra strength.

Second stanza: I am kind of wondering about your way of setting line breaks here. You separate things that confuse when reading, like 'quivering butterflies' or 'every star she sees' (where, by the way, understanding what be a lot easier if you changed it a bit, making it 'like the way she wishes for a different soul on every star she sees'). This accounts for the break after verses 1, 3, 4 and 5 of this stanza. I get that you want the lines to be roughly of the same length, but this isn't what makes poetry. A break needs to have a use, it needs to strengthen the poem to put it there. You're writing free form, so - if neccessary - there's no need to not be brave enough for different lengths of lines. Plus, when making the entire stanza into one long sentence, you need the structure to actually understand what the writer's talking about. I had to read this stanza 5 times to finally wrap my head around all the meanings and grammatical relations. Then there's one last thing, last verse of the stanza: What do you mean by 'it'? You say 'it's rotting inside', but there is nothing this 'it' possibly connects with. So, there is a meaningless 'it' in here, and frankly, I can't tell what this 'it' is referring to. Once again though: Atmosphere and imagery are great.

Third stanza: You really, really know your metaphors. In my opinion, this is the strongest stanza in that way. Once again, though, questionable line breaks after verse 3 and maybe, though not neccessarily, 4 (4 is actually fine, but it's something to get used to, I suppose).

Fourth stanza: Sadness is not what I would have expected here, but it works perfectly, all fits perfectly into each other - and, oh, have I mentioned that I just love the way you use your images, never too much, yet never too little either? I still have to refer to the line break, though, this time, however, only after verse 5.

So, basically, very intense, very tight-knit and fitting. The only problem there actually is with this poem, and sadly spoiling the experience a bit for the reader, is one of structure. The long sentences work well here, but still, a bit of structure and more of an overview would make it a lot easier to really get sucked in into this wonderful poetry of yours.
With a bit of reworking, you might even make it into my favourites... ;)

Hope I could help you along, good luck against writer's block!
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Structure and I are not good friends. Basically, I write everything out and then space it out in a way that sounds okay in my mind. And being that my mind is a bit frazzled, they're not always...good? Yeah, I guess. But thank you so much for the in-depth analysis; I hardly ever get these and they always make my day. I'm always in the need for constructive criticism. I don't think I'm going to edit this very much (yet) because I tend to just leave things as they are. I am sincerely glad that you pointed out the strengths and weaknesses in the poem and I'd have to say that those are in pretty much every piece I write.
Reply
:iconazurenebulae:
AzureNebulae Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful words strung together in a somewhat poignant way... fabulous, my friend c: <3
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! 
Reply
:iconazurenebulae:
AzureNebulae Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome :aww:
Reply
:iconmoonlightluvsanime:
MOONLIGHTluvsanime Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How do I post writings like this??? (Sorry just wondering) :)
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Go to submit and either type in the text or use Stash.
Reply
:iconmoonlightluvsanime:
MOONLIGHTluvsanime Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank U :)
Reply
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